[December 22, 2009 | 07:44 PM] buttermilky pocketdoll@formspring.me   I caved and decided to make a formspring too! Ask me anything you'd like, but please note: I will not respond to questions I find inappropriate.

-------- [December 22, 2009 | 03:01 PM] buttermilky [ mood | content ] [ music | hold on - michael buble ] I've been really interested in flowers, lately, it seems. My favorite flowers are peonies, and today, during a free period, I sat next to Sarah, who shared some of her "peony petal" scented lotion with me. It smelled divine! It came in the prettiest light pink container, and I am stopping by bed, bath & body works to buy it! For the fun of it, I'm going to post my actual Christmas wish-list. I never tell any of my friends and family what I want for Christmas because I like surprises, and it's nice to know that the people I genuinely love, people who know me to the core, can walk into a store and know exactly what I'd like. You shouldn't need to tell someone what you want; if they love you enough to buy you a Christmas present, they should already know. Not that I'm advocating the materialistic aspect of Christmas, though. Here it is, kiddies! (this is merely for my own enjoyment as there is a slim chance that any close friends + family read this)        ( + )

i'm a long way from home and so all alone [December 21, 2009 | 09:07 PM] myfist_yourface [ music | I WANNA BUILD BUILDINGS HIGH FOR YOU! ] ( you'll find me at the home of the blues ) i feel weird. things are strange. melissa is gone for two weeks. i'm going to be so lost without her! home for the holidays is so so so so SOON! i've been looking forward to this shit for months the souls always make me so happy and i want to meet a cute boy there that loves them as much as i do so we can get married and get matching true believers tattoos and live happily ever after i can't stop listening to shooter jennings i think its time for another southern road trip. let me come to your house?

[December 21, 2009 | 06:29 PM] ghostparades 'To lie, to evade tragedy. I cannot be myself without causing tragedy. But tragedy is living. Huck said last night, "I have never lived so intensely, never." Laughing, crying; ecstasy, delirium, peace, exhaustion, passion, pain, joy, peace, illuminations, pain, human life.' -- Fire from "A Journal of Love" by Anais Nin I'm in love with this women.

little things in a big way [December 20, 2009 | 12:42 PM] catori_inteus i am happy. i ventured out into the blizzard world late last night, and i only made it two blocks before turning back to the warm glow of my home. i recorded an unintentionally bluesy song about my mom and the devil. daniel is here visiting since wednesday and until tomorrow. just the sight of him inspires joy in me and reminds me how lucky i am to have found the best of friends when i was only a teenager. i'm at peace with kyler and alison's distance and losing kyler as a flatmate, to the point of finding the good in it- bonus! hoping to get my nose pierced before christmas along with a multitude of to-dos, which include an endoscopy the day before christmas eve. is it possible that a distaste for people's self-absorption led to my dyspepsia? no, it's probably all the coffee and cheese, my two favorite things that i can no longer consume in mass quantities. finally saw "it might get loud" and fell in love with jimmy page like i never thought possible. he's the cutest and most beautiful old man. looking forward to being with all my brothers, mom, nieces, sisters-in-law, best friend, and the love of my life on christmas eve and day. plus this jewel- the only subject keeping it so unbelievably real that he consistently inspires me to capture him on camera: i could learn a thing or two. but life right now is spot on.

Beautiful Breakfasts II [December 20, 2009 | 12:35 PM] simplystardust (Comments here, pretty please!)

------- [December 19, 2009 | 06:08 PM] buttermilky   ( + )

it's about time [December 17, 2009 | 02:58 AM] catori_inteus what i've failed to realize until today is that i've been trying to connect with everyone and everything around me while i've been disconnected from my Self. that's impossible! in the past years, i've made so many mistakes and been dealt many bad hands, and i've built defenses around myself as a result. meanwhile, i've been searching frantically for my path, my ever-elusive path, unwittingly chasing my own tail in circles, and thinking that in articulating my opinions about others i was somehow learning about my Self in the process. but the reason i am making such a strong distinction between myself and my Self is that i can certainly learn some shallow things about myself and human beings and all their quirks in my studies and searching, but to really learn about my Self, i can only look within and trust what i find there. and i know what great cheese this is, but the realization resonated so deeply in me that i knew instantly- it's the key i've been missing for so long. i long for the moments in my life when i was most connected to my Self. i was vulnerable and open, and in being so, i was confident and bold. i followed my instincts, and i made mistakes, but i kept moving forward, because my soul was so open wide. i was connected to all the pains of my life and to all of the bliss. but it's so easy to get caught up in the day to day and the details of living that the rapture of living can be forgotten. (i love music so much because it's immediately so all-encompassing that i forget the bully-ego of myself and instead experience my true Self.) i've been so sad lately, and i've been very hurt by many people in my life in the past few years, and i have hurt others, in big ways and small ways, but it all leaves an impact. i've had to be very strong at times, and in some of those times, i could not truly connect with my Self, because i had to think of others so completely. it's important now that things are better to reconnect with my Self by taking off that armor. i want to tear down all my defenses. i want to be completely honest with you about everything, about my sadness and my hopes and everything that makes me really beautiful. i want to feel like my Self again. i want to feel the rapture of being alive.

The Last One [December 16, 2009 | 07:49 PM] whiterevolver I had a dream recently, about the Manic Street Preachers. I dreamt that Richey was in a pub with the rest of the band, but he was fat and had a thick ginger beard. The rest of the band were tittering nervously at his tirade of racist and sexist jokes, whilst exchanging looks between themselves. I asked him to tone it down, and he called me a cunt. He had a sweaty brow and smelled of cigarettes and old meat. If 2007 and 2008 were years of neutrality, this year has been one of staggering highs and unimaginable lows. I've cried tears as big as october cabbages, and laughed until my stomach hurt. Sadly, as we rapidly steam into Christmas, I am in a low and for a change it isn't from self absorption. I'm fighting to prop up things around me, all the while trying to find some sanity in my situation. I am twenty-six, with a degree and (maybe) a talent for writing. On Monday, I will work from 6am until 4pm cleaning new build houses for £5.90 an hour. It's a one day contract. I recently downloaded the content from Ampstable. Reading those early entries in 2002 was slightly painful but I liked the youthful optimism. Now, I'm more cynical. There might be hope in the new year, especially if I gain a careership with the National Trust or CILIP. But for the moment, things aren't going well. Today, tired with the static hum of the town, and fed up with the inside of job agencies, I went for a long walk in the snow. I also took some pictures. It seems appropriate enough to bow out with snow, as with my favourite comic strip, Calvin & Hobbes. This Livejournal isn't interesting to me anymore, and I'm sure it isn't interesting to you either. So I'm going to delete it and call time on blogging in general. If nothing else, it'll allow me to concentrate on my own writing. If you want to contact me, my email is nocturnal_seraphim@hotmail.com. If you are feeling brave, send me your address and I will write to you. I should write more letters. Anyone who knows me will know how bad I am when it comes to letter writing and it's an art that should never be lost. You'll get to see my swooping handwriting that (according to every true crime show I've ever seen) is the sign of a serial killer. Like I said, if you are feeling brave.. I walked in the snow today and left many footprints. I will keep this LJ up for a week and then remove it. It has been lovely reading you all. Thank you.

re: nat small [December 15, 2009 | 07:33 PM] whaleroad don't feel alone. if my heart could talk it would sound like static, but since my brain can translate it is saying "as long as you have me you will always be loved". really, we just need to help each other out. i am trying to get back into things, friends! expect a full-fledged return in 2010. see you next year. :)

[December 14, 2009 | 07:36 PM] golightlyy I went to sally's and made me some extenshunz. they look really black and scene here, but they're just dark brown. Sally's doesn't have much of a selection and I can't seem to locate any hair shops around here. Also, I think I'm going to start attending cosmetology school in march. My mom's going to flip but my dad's going to help me pay for some of it because he and my grandma were both hairdressers once upon a time. That is all.

[December 13, 2009 | 09:16 PM] ghostparades

[December 12, 2009 | 06:00 PM] xliplock [ mood | gloomy ] I'm going into rehab today, I don't know for how long, probably at least 2 months. I hate this...

[December 11, 2009 | 08:06 PM] myfist_yourface ( you don't need a penny just to hang around but if you've got a nickel won't you lay your money down? ) last night was wild. i'm really tired and i want a cheeseburger but i think that might make my insides hurt more than they already do. dang grease. life is weird. home for the holidays is soon and it is going to RULE. i love bruce. bye!

[December 11, 2009 | 09:58 PM] ohnolucy

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